Last week on this post, I mentioned that I'm giving up my day job. At the time I hadn't worked out all the details, but in the past week it has all fallen together, so that I should be free as a bird in about six weeks. I work for a group of family therapists, each in private practice, and I want to make sure they're all taken care of, and in good hands before I'm finished, because they've been very good to me. Working from home has been great, but it's time for a change.
My job was just "a little something" that I did a few hours a week when I started it ten years ago and then a couple years ago it suddenly grew, until it took on a life of its own. I don't have any plans to take up anything else right away, and while that feels a bit odd, for the most part I'm really excited. I'm looking forward to being more present to my family and focusing on our home. I so admire women that can work and still keep the home fires burning, but I'm just not one of them. It stresses me out when I'm doing one thing and the other is screaming for attention. Especially when the other thing is right in the next room. Working from home has its advantages, and its challenges.
At the beginning of this year, instead of coming up with a new year's resolution, I continued a tradition that I learned several years ago from my friend, Becky, to choose a 'word' for the year to focus on. Something that would help me in my spiritual journey, a far cry from resolutions of past years such as grow my nails, go on a diet, exercise more -- all worthwhile and important (well, maybe not the nails), but I wanted to shake things up and I liked Becky's idea.
I started thinking about my word for 2010 back in December, and I knew what I wanted it to be, but decided to wait and see what He thought about it. And wouldn't you know, the word kept coming to me from all directions. I would read something and it would pop up. I went to a conference in January, and it was one of the themes. My word for this year is mindful. Being mindful in living my life, even in the small, mundane, everyday things, is to find the sacred in my life. This is what helped me come to my decision about my job. I had become so crazy busy and it was causing more stress and disharmony than good. I'm blessed with having a choice whether to work or not, and a husband who supports my decision either way. We'll have to do a few things differently, but they are small sacrifices in light of the benefits of once again having one person who is dedicated to managing the home front.
It seems rare these days to find a mom who wants to just be a mom. Especially a mom with teenagers. A lot of my friends are ready to get out of the house and find a "real" job, now that the kids are becoming more self-sufficient. And to each his own, I will never judge what is best for another family. But, it seems that time just goes faster and faster as I get older and my kids get older. My youngest will graduate high school in just five short years. Suddenly, I feel the way I did when the kids were babies, and I don't want to miss a thing. Back then it was rolling over for the first time, grabbing a chubby foot and chewing on chubby toes, or taking a first step. Now, I want to be there for as many soccer and baseball games as I can. To have time in the day to make the chicken-broccoli casserole that my son loves to devour, instead of being one of the top 10 customers at our local pizza place. I want to be the center of calm instead of one more person in turmoil in our household. I want to have some time during the day to find my center. I want to clean my house!
It sounds old fashioned, I know. I'm old fashioned.
Now that I've made my decision, I'm eager to move ahead. My calendar is mapped out for the next few weeks, with target dates and a big smiley face at the end of April!