. . . you suspect your 12-year-old is wearing eye makeup, but you have to put your reading glasses on to be sure.
. . . you lecture the kids about how wasteful it is to use an entire bottle of stain remover in less than a week (like they even do laundry?) and then realize it's the old bottle because the new one is in the bag of groceries you left in the car last week. (At least it wasn't pork chops this time.)
. . . you wake with a start and see by the clock that it is 2 a.m., so you reach for the phone, call your child's cell phone and say, "WHY aren't you home by now?" And they replay, "I am. I'm in my bedroom sleeping."
My kids are already choosing my nursing home.